This is all really stupid.
I'd much rather sit down, face to face, and talk about this in a mature way.
Call me when you want.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
What Would Taylor Say?
Sometimes i wonder what happened to us.
What do you do if one of your best friends doesn't talk to you anymore?
And you gotta find out everything about her through other people? or worse, by print.
There's something wrong here.
And honestly, I'm beginning not to give a fuck.
Get your shit together pleaseandthanks.
Tired of never being worth your time.
What ever happened to F.O.B? yeano, Friends Over Boys?
Like the rest, I swear you will come running back to us when its over. But will we be there?
When you're ready to make us your priority again after all the acceptable responsibilities, let us know and MAYBE we'll take you back.
Consider that you've already had the best days of your life.
It all very well could go down hill from here. Good luck climbing back up the hill you're already going down.
Until then, Aloha. and i dont mean the love or hello definition.
What do you do if one of your best friends doesn't talk to you anymore?
And you gotta find out everything about her through other people? or worse, by print.
There's something wrong here.
And honestly, I'm beginning not to give a fuck.
Get your shit together pleaseandthanks.
Tired of never being worth your time.
What ever happened to F.O.B? yeano, Friends Over Boys?
Like the rest, I swear you will come running back to us when its over. But will we be there?
When you're ready to make us your priority again after all the acceptable responsibilities, let us know and MAYBE we'll take you back.
Consider that you've already had the best days of your life.
It all very well could go down hill from here. Good luck climbing back up the hill you're already going down.
Until then, Aloha. and i dont mean the love or hello definition.
Thoughts and Such
ALOHA!!
Life is an English class essay. The more BS-ing you do, the more you ace the class. Why can't life just be REAL? I'd rather take my F in this class called "Life" than walk around being fake all the time. - August 23,2009 1:30pm
I hate all the drama. You try to do things like "The Pact" to alleviate all that drama but people just have to bring it up again.
THE PACT
-WHY because we're tired of the drama and getting screwed over.
-NO BOYFRIENDS = relationships, strings, ties, commitments, feelings, labels.
Until: October. After October, reevaluate your life. Is there a guy that's waited till October? Is he worth it? If not, renew promise and regroup in December. Then Feb, April, June. Because you can't just swear them off completely, you never know who might come along.
-NO "GOING OUT" You can DATE however many guys you want, however many times but DO NOT establish a relationship. Meaning, I can date another guy if I so please and you can't stop me from doing it because I'm not your girlfriend.
-THE PHYSICAL hook up, fuck anyone you want, however many times. We're not judging. Just don't get emotional about it.
-NO BLOW JOBS - it's exactly what they want and it's a way of dominance over you.
-SHARE Be open with the group and if you have an opinion on what the other person is doing, not doing, might do, give it, but don't expect them to follow that advice. And if they don't, respect that. Be happy for a person, if they're happy. Be sympathetic with the person if they need it. Support them.
-REMEMBER: If he wants you that bad, he'll wait the few months and be happy with no blow jobs.
-MOST IMPORTANT Respect yourself. You are in control. Keep that dominance.
And that's the pact. Girl Power!! (:
Senior year should be good. Dance Ensemble in 19 days!!! Officially going back.
Found my college this summer: University of Hawaii at Hilo Can't wait. ( =
Aloha till later <3>
ps:
Laugh, love, and dance like your life depended on it. It is only when you can achieve this that you will know the true meaning of freedom.
God is everywhere, but I am closest when I dance with the body He gave me.
Search for what makes you feel more alive than breathing does. When you find it, hold on to it tightly and never let it go.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy." - Billy Currington, People Are Crazy
Well, in the ideal world, its not supposed to work that way, but that's how it works in the REAL world now is it?
Life is an English class essay. The more BS-ing you do, the more you ace the class. Why can't life just be REAL? I'd rather take my F in this class called "Life" than walk around being fake all the time. - August 23,2009 1:30pm
I hate all the drama. You try to do things like "The Pact" to alleviate all that drama but people just have to bring it up again.
THE PACT
-WHY because we're tired of the drama and getting screwed over.
-NO BOYFRIENDS = relationships, strings, ties, commitments, feelings, labels.
Until: October. After October, reevaluate your life. Is there a guy that's waited till October? Is he worth it? If not, renew promise and regroup in December. Then Feb, April, June. Because you can't just swear them off completely, you never know who might come along.
-NO "GOING OUT" You can DATE however many guys you want, however many times but DO NOT establish a relationship. Meaning, I can date another guy if I so please and you can't stop me from doing it because I'm not your girlfriend.
-THE PHYSICAL hook up, fuck anyone you want, however many times. We're not judging. Just don't get emotional about it.
-NO BLOW JOBS - it's exactly what they want and it's a way of dominance over you.
-SHARE Be open with the group and if you have an opinion on what the other person is doing, not doing, might do, give it, but don't expect them to follow that advice. And if they don't, respect that. Be happy for a person, if they're happy. Be sympathetic with the person if they need it. Support them.
-REMEMBER: If he wants you that bad, he'll wait the few months and be happy with no blow jobs.
-MOST IMPORTANT Respect yourself. You are in control. Keep that dominance.
And that's the pact. Girl Power!! (:
Senior year should be good. Dance Ensemble in 19 days!!! Officially going back.
Found my college this summer: University of Hawaii at Hilo Can't wait. ( =
Aloha till later <3>
ps:
Laugh, love, and dance like your life depended on it. It is only when you can achieve this that you will know the true meaning of freedom.
God is everywhere, but I am closest when I dance with the body He gave me.
Search for what makes you feel more alive than breathing does. When you find it, hold on to it tightly and never let it go.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy." - Billy Currington, People Are Crazy
Well, in the ideal world, its not supposed to work that way, but that's how it works in the REAL world now is it?
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
because it's fucking ridiculous what they think.
before i go on i just want to say that i'm not doing this to look for any sympathy or anything. i'm just doing this because i think it's just a bit ridiculous how some people have come to view this and I want people to know what’s really going on since it’s not visible on the outside.
Problem: over- used left hip has resulted in an inflammation of hip muscles (i'm not going to go into specifics because thats too confusing but its more than just my hip flexors). I figured this out on a Friday when, while doing crunches and stretches my left hip made this popping sound every time I rotated it or came up for a crunch. After that I started feeling the pain 27/7 and it would get worse when I danced and for the night after I danced. I also have a HUGE turnout on my left side, which I discovered 5 years ago when I had joint pain in my left leg, ankle, knee, and hip. I’ve also sprained/twisted my ankle on the left side 10 times from January 2008-2009. Weird how my sides are uneven but it’s just how it is.
What’s being done: I’ve been going to physical therapy since November. I was told that I needed to stop dancing but being the hardass that I am I decided to continue with the promise that I would stop after the dance concert and not return to dance other than one class and teaching on Tuesdays till September when auditions for dance ensemble came around.
The therapist has told me that the over use resulted from a lack of support coming from my core and therefore I’ve been using my hip muscles to support movement in my legs, things like fan kicks especially or anything in turnout. I’ve been doing core strengthening exercises since then while stretching my very very tight hip muscles. This is hard though cuz I’m not allowed to do the normal crunches because everytime I do them my muscles get scrunched and tightened, and popping results. Same with moving my hip in a high rotation (like a fan kick)
When I first started going to therapy my pain was at a 7 or 8 on a scale of 1-10. It was reduced to a 5 by the end of November and only because it had begun decreasing my doctor said that I could dance in January for the show as long as I took it REALLY easy after my show the first weekend of December.
At this point I was still in a lot of pain even though it had been reduced. I layed in bed all the time because putting pressure on it by standing up made it worse. I couldn’t sit up for a long amount of time because at the 90ยบ angle it got crunched and tight just like with a crunch or sit up. I used ice all the time and heat sometimes depending on the pain scale.
It was hard for me to get a lot of homework done because I couldn’t sit up and it’s really hard for me to type to do homework on the computer from my bed, laptop is just as bad cuz it puts pressure on my neck if I bend my neck up. Moving into a more sitting up position strained my back and put pressure on my hip. I layed down for most of thanksgiving break.
With all of this came the death of my great uncle with whom I was really close. I in such a state of shock that I really couldn’t do anything. A lot more drama went on around here and some of you know what it is. I’m not going to get into it though cuz it really has nothing to do with my hip…sorta.
Around here I also started having a bad reaction to the 5 doses of advil I was taking a day. I threw up and was really really nauseous all the time. I stopped taking it and just went without meds for a week or so. That really killed. I got a new prescription for a med that wouldn’t murder my stomach as bad and it’s been working since.
I took it really easy after my December show but I dreaded January because I knew I was going to push myself so hard and it was going to hurt like hell. I continued my stretches and exercises.
January came and I covered up my pain and was taking both the new meds and Tylenol. Sometimes I would kick in a bit of advil so that I would stop hurting. They also started a thing called phonopheresis (sp?) , which is like an anti inflamitory med that they put on your skin then use something that looks like an ultra sound without the video monitor on my hip area.
My butt started hurting around the second week of January. There’s a little muscle about the size of your pinkie in your butt that can get really really tight, especially with people who have really good turnouts. My PT started having massage that muscle. Oh my god. It hurt so freakin bad. I’ve never cried over the pain caused by my hip but this, this hurt so bad I cried. I’ve gotten used to it a bit now but it still hurts every time she does it. She tried doing it to my right muscle and it didn’t hurt at all. She said she could feel the tightness, and usually it’s never as tight as my left one. She also checked my hip alignment and turns out my left hip is a little bit higher and more forward than my right. She started taking care of that by pulling my hip down and pushing it back.
When your body starts hurting and needs to stop using a certain muscle your other muscles kick in and start working for it so that you can continue with your regular movement. The muscle that started kicking in was my lower left back muscles. The new work these muscles started doing started causing pain in my back.
So now I’ve got hip, butt AND back pain. This isn’t good. We’re trying lots of things now and I’ve even got a yoga ball to do my exercises at home. Now that the dance show is over I’m going to have to start resting it. This means no dance. Except for 2 hours on Tuesdays for work and a class just to keep in shape technique wise. This is going to kill. I’ve never NOT been doing dance. During the summer I get sad cuz I can’t dance and dance is my life. I’m in constant pain and as of right now, as I write this I can tell you that my hip pain level is at a 4, my butt pain level is at a 5 and my back pain level is at a 6/7. It’s been getting worse as I sit here to this too. I’ve had to eliminate some stretches because I get pains in other areas of my body but the bottom line I guess is that I need to start getting that six pack soon and start stretching like crazy. I guess I’ll also have to watch what I eat since dancing almost every day is part what keeps me from inheriting some of my family’s weight problems. I’ve pretty much been focusing my entire energy on dance and this show so I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit of a bitch lately because even though I’m hoping to be back in September, you never know. So, yeah, it kind of scares me, not having dance in my everyday life. But for now I guess I’ll just be focusing on school. Thank God for SAT and ACT prep. At least I can start to get into that.
And if you still don’t believe me, read this again. If you want more details I’d be happy to give them to you. Thanks for reading.
Problem: over- used left hip has resulted in an inflammation of hip muscles (i'm not going to go into specifics because thats too confusing but its more than just my hip flexors). I figured this out on a Friday when, while doing crunches and stretches my left hip made this popping sound every time I rotated it or came up for a crunch. After that I started feeling the pain 27/7 and it would get worse when I danced and for the night after I danced. I also have a HUGE turnout on my left side, which I discovered 5 years ago when I had joint pain in my left leg, ankle, knee, and hip. I’ve also sprained/twisted my ankle on the left side 10 times from January 2008-2009. Weird how my sides are uneven but it’s just how it is.
What’s being done: I’ve been going to physical therapy since November. I was told that I needed to stop dancing but being the hardass that I am I decided to continue with the promise that I would stop after the dance concert and not return to dance other than one class and teaching on Tuesdays till September when auditions for dance ensemble came around.
The therapist has told me that the over use resulted from a lack of support coming from my core and therefore I’ve been using my hip muscles to support movement in my legs, things like fan kicks especially or anything in turnout. I’ve been doing core strengthening exercises since then while stretching my very very tight hip muscles. This is hard though cuz I’m not allowed to do the normal crunches because everytime I do them my muscles get scrunched and tightened, and popping results. Same with moving my hip in a high rotation (like a fan kick)
When I first started going to therapy my pain was at a 7 or 8 on a scale of 1-10. It was reduced to a 5 by the end of November and only because it had begun decreasing my doctor said that I could dance in January for the show as long as I took it REALLY easy after my show the first weekend of December.
At this point I was still in a lot of pain even though it had been reduced. I layed in bed all the time because putting pressure on it by standing up made it worse. I couldn’t sit up for a long amount of time because at the 90ยบ angle it got crunched and tight just like with a crunch or sit up. I used ice all the time and heat sometimes depending on the pain scale.
It was hard for me to get a lot of homework done because I couldn’t sit up and it’s really hard for me to type to do homework on the computer from my bed, laptop is just as bad cuz it puts pressure on my neck if I bend my neck up. Moving into a more sitting up position strained my back and put pressure on my hip. I layed down for most of thanksgiving break.
With all of this came the death of my great uncle with whom I was really close. I in such a state of shock that I really couldn’t do anything. A lot more drama went on around here and some of you know what it is. I’m not going to get into it though cuz it really has nothing to do with my hip…sorta.
Around here I also started having a bad reaction to the 5 doses of advil I was taking a day. I threw up and was really really nauseous all the time. I stopped taking it and just went without meds for a week or so. That really killed. I got a new prescription for a med that wouldn’t murder my stomach as bad and it’s been working since.
I took it really easy after my December show but I dreaded January because I knew I was going to push myself so hard and it was going to hurt like hell. I continued my stretches and exercises.
January came and I covered up my pain and was taking both the new meds and Tylenol. Sometimes I would kick in a bit of advil so that I would stop hurting. They also started a thing called phonopheresis (sp?) , which is like an anti inflamitory med that they put on your skin then use something that looks like an ultra sound without the video monitor on my hip area.
My butt started hurting around the second week of January. There’s a little muscle about the size of your pinkie in your butt that can get really really tight, especially with people who have really good turnouts. My PT started having massage that muscle. Oh my god. It hurt so freakin bad. I’ve never cried over the pain caused by my hip but this, this hurt so bad I cried. I’ve gotten used to it a bit now but it still hurts every time she does it. She tried doing it to my right muscle and it didn’t hurt at all. She said she could feel the tightness, and usually it’s never as tight as my left one. She also checked my hip alignment and turns out my left hip is a little bit higher and more forward than my right. She started taking care of that by pulling my hip down and pushing it back.
When your body starts hurting and needs to stop using a certain muscle your other muscles kick in and start working for it so that you can continue with your regular movement. The muscle that started kicking in was my lower left back muscles. The new work these muscles started doing started causing pain in my back.
So now I’ve got hip, butt AND back pain. This isn’t good. We’re trying lots of things now and I’ve even got a yoga ball to do my exercises at home. Now that the dance show is over I’m going to have to start resting it. This means no dance. Except for 2 hours on Tuesdays for work and a class just to keep in shape technique wise. This is going to kill. I’ve never NOT been doing dance. During the summer I get sad cuz I can’t dance and dance is my life. I’m in constant pain and as of right now, as I write this I can tell you that my hip pain level is at a 4, my butt pain level is at a 5 and my back pain level is at a 6/7. It’s been getting worse as I sit here to this too. I’ve had to eliminate some stretches because I get pains in other areas of my body but the bottom line I guess is that I need to start getting that six pack soon and start stretching like crazy. I guess I’ll also have to watch what I eat since dancing almost every day is part what keeps me from inheriting some of my family’s weight problems. I’ve pretty much been focusing my entire energy on dance and this show so I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit of a bitch lately because even though I’m hoping to be back in September, you never know. So, yeah, it kind of scares me, not having dance in my everyday life. But for now I guess I’ll just be focusing on school. Thank God for SAT and ACT prep. At least I can start to get into that.
And if you still don’t believe me, read this again. If you want more details I’d be happy to give them to you. Thanks for reading.
Monday, January 5, 2009
I was gone, but i'm back now. (:
it's been forever. here's an update quickly:
oct 30: RIP Uncle Rogelio
oct 31: worst decision
nov 3: i lied
nov 5: good bye forever tio. i cried.
nov 8: it felt wrong
nov 9: i fessed up
nov 10: it felt worse
nov 11: my world came tumbling down
nov 12: M misunderstood the definition of take time for myself...you didnt understand
nov 13: i felt liberated.
nov 14: the only time i cried over M
nov 14: i was stupid.
nov 15: i debated. then had the time of my life
nov 16: 6 months? really? didnt seem like it.....
nov 16: M were stupid.
nov 17: i was stupid in another way but didnt regret it
nov 17: i debated. because M was an ass
nov 18: i made the right decision.
nov 26: 6 hours.....up down up up up.....lower than down. M, you were butt hurt but no excuses
nov 29: no regrets. none at all.
dec 5: 17. i felt old. dressed up with my 3 girls. forever and bestie made me cry. shit. i love them
dec 6: first of one of the last
dec 7: last of one of the last
dec 9: best news ever. i came back. forever said so. started a-new. resurected.
dec 10: i think things were fixed btwn us T. also tried to fit pay back in
dec 12: cashed in and was brave. that felt awsome.
dec 15: aced
dec 16: aced, failed
dec 17: aced, aced
dec 18: danced full out.
dec 19: traveled.
dec 20-jan 3: miami
jan 1: rode the skateboard
jan 1: ouch
jan 2: double ouch
jan 3: ouch.
jan 4: made it.
jan 5: hmm. i guess it's back to the old routine huh?
NOW: really gonna just take it all in this month & go for it full force, head on, & go into that place i love called home. because my love can be expressed though my movement & there's no turning back from here...
oct 30: RIP Uncle Rogelio
oct 31: worst decision
nov 3: i lied
nov 5: good bye forever tio. i cried.
nov 8: it felt wrong
nov 9: i fessed up
nov 10: it felt worse
nov 11: my world came tumbling down
nov 12: M misunderstood the definition of take time for myself...you didnt understand
nov 13: i felt liberated.
nov 14: the only time i cried over M
nov 14: i was stupid.
nov 15: i debated. then had the time of my life
nov 16: 6 months? really? didnt seem like it.....
nov 16: M were stupid.
nov 17: i was stupid in another way but didnt regret it
nov 17: i debated. because M was an ass
nov 18: i made the right decision.
nov 26: 6 hours.....up down up up up.....lower than down. M, you were butt hurt but no excuses
nov 29: no regrets. none at all.
dec 5: 17. i felt old. dressed up with my 3 girls. forever and bestie made me cry. shit. i love them
dec 6: first of one of the last
dec 7: last of one of the last
dec 9: best news ever. i came back. forever said so. started a-new. resurected.
dec 10: i think things were fixed btwn us T. also tried to fit pay back in
dec 12: cashed in and was brave. that felt awsome.
dec 15: aced
dec 16: aced, failed
dec 17: aced, aced
dec 18: danced full out.
dec 19: traveled.
dec 20-jan 3: miami
jan 1: rode the skateboard
jan 1: ouch
jan 2: double ouch
jan 3: ouch.
jan 4: made it.
jan 5: hmm. i guess it's back to the old routine huh?
NOW: really gonna just take it all in this month & go for it full force, head on, & go into that place i love called home. because my love can be expressed though my movement & there's no turning back from here...
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